I have so many teenagers and young adults writing to me requesting help and advice on the problem they are going through in their social lives and circles.
“My friends are changing”.
“Many of them are into drugs and alcohol. I really like some of them, I’m so confused, I want to be accepted and fit in as well, but I’m confused. Even though I know I won’t do drugs and abuse alcohol, I still don’t feel good.”
“Some of these friends were so good and clean in school and now they are changing in front of my eyes and I’m so confused. “
Well, from my experience of handling these problems almost every week, all I can say is, this is going to happen more and more. I am not going to judge the kids and adults abusing drugs and alcohol, I’m going to judge you or actually be more concerned about you wanting to lower your beautiful self to their level.
Do you want to be below average? Or must you rise above ‘below average ‘and make your life spectacular and extraordinary. It’s sad how times have changed and what’s even more sad is that most of this changing behaviour and using alcohol and drugs is just to appear ‘cool and sophisticated ‘. We see that such a behaviour is mostly driven by the person being unhappy, empty, mostly unloved and with low or no self-worth. So, they attach themselves to things that make them feel strong, powerful, cool and sophisticated. However, in reality, most of them are still sad and empty inside. Instead of filling those voids and doing something about it, they rely on vices to define their self-worth.
You don’t have to be that. You are larger than that. You have a life ahead of you. You need your health to make this journey of life meaningful. You have a purpose in life and you need to find that and live it to your fullest potential. You choose what defines you. You should know that you have this freedom to choose.
Remind yourself that the coolest people don’t signify that they have things going well and right for them. Most of them have created a bubble, a facade to support their low self-worth and push them higher. This doesn’t have to be you.
You are confused, because you don’t know what to do. Should I lower myself to their standard just to be accepted and fit in? Or can I be friends with them, respect them, and still follow my own path. No one defines your path, but YOU. Never allow others to define your path or you will be miserable. You define it, it’s your responsibility. Else other will define it for you.
You become who you hang around the most with. Remember this. People without life goals or a life purpose, use vices to drive them. If you have a purpose or a passion, you will be driven by that.
You define cool for you. Music, movies, TV serials, fake friends etc, what does cool mean to you. The coolest groups you see around don’t define cool. It’s not reality. It’s just what you see and perceive.
If you can’t be accepted and find it difficult to be accepted to a point where you need to move to drugs and alcohol just to fit in, then know that you DO NOT WANT TO BE IN THAT GROUP, if you can’t be accepted for who you are, Of course we all need to change certain things, like bad behaviour, manners, etc to be accepted, but certainly not drugs and alcohol.
What does being ultra-cool get you (driven by drugs and alcohol)? Really nothing but shallow and short-lived attention.
You see cool people with the newest and fanciest things, pretty girls or handsome guys around them all the time, and you perceive that everything is going well for them. If they have everything, they should be satisfied and happy and should have no need to abuse alcohol and drugs to be cool. But they are not happy people in reality. They have low or no self-worth. We should not despise them or put them down. In fact, we should see how we can actually help them or be compassionate to them.
My point is, most of the cool people fuelled and built by abuse of drugs and alcohol are from far your role models and you don’t need to be that. Alcohol and drugs solved no one’s problems ever. So, it isn’t going to solve yours too.
Build you, step by step and day by day. Have fun, be adventurous, live life to the fullest, but don’t lower your standard or start to behave below average just because you need to fit in and be accepted. If you look around and far beyond, you will always find your group of friends that vibrate at your consciousness and level. That’s where you need to stay.
Decide that you want – an ‘above average life’ or go “below average”?
Have a mind of your own. Follow your path. Society is great but it can also act like a deadly virus, poisoning our minds and dictating our behaviour. Be strong to make the right decisions.
Drunk and drug fuelled boys and girls think they can have happier lives and relationships, but they live a lie in the high and don’t realize their life is a lie. If their lives were happy and content, they wouldn’t need drugs and alcohol.
You are you and you are unique. Make the right decision and choose your path. The moment that’s influenced by people, you become their puppet and then everything is controlled by them in your life. Now that’s a miserable and lonely place to be in.
Have a mind of your own.
– Luke Coutinho