The Adult Problem and Childhood Connection

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It’s become a regular phenomenon to meet with patients daily, who are struggling with health, stressed out, burnt out , relationships a mess, depression, anxiety, feelings of low self worth and confidence …the more and more we talk and diagnose, the stronger the connection with their current problems and their childhood.

Many children have been stripped or robbed of their self worth and confidence while growing up. There is no perfect parent and there never will be, but its so important to understand that children need security, love , unconditional love, appreciation, discipline, assertiveness and care . Children should never be robbed of their self worth by being compared to other children, the well behaved girl or boy from next door, the child that is topping her class all the time, someone who is better than your child in sports , compared against siblings in the same family….comparison will steal even an adults self worth. Children need time, time from their parents, servants second. There is no compromise here unless a parent is sick, away , unable to be there for serious reasons…many parents think they are doing all they can for their child, spending loads of money on nurses, servants, nanny’s, and giving the best to their child, but remember , that’s your mindset, its not what the child needs or wants . Nothing can replace the love , care, time of a mother or father for their son or and daughter . Nothing at all. Bribes thru gifts, more iPad or TV time, sugary treats, pizza….nothing ,,they will consume and eat all that because it gives instant gratification, but none of it can replace what the child really needs …children protected too much, always made to believe they are right, and never wrong, never allowed to feel bored , angry or frustrated, grow up unable to face the reality and truth of the world . Parents say ‘ we want to give the best to our children ‘ continue to do that, but give them what they really need too, over and above all that you want to give them. Love, time, care, value lessons, life lessons, emotional lessons, all this is the JOB of the parent , not the school. The school reinforces it , the parents have the primary job.

Labeling your children as stupid, good for nothing , worthless, will strip them of their self worth and self confidence and they may grow up the way you have rigidly moulded them, but inside they will be empty, deprived, starving for love and freedom …no matter how large their salaries are , it wont matter when the inner soul is rusted ….,and then it collects, compounds and hits us in the form of disease, physical, mental, emotional, or the whole system…….if we face these problems in life, we must be brave to look into the childhood connection for it may be the solution you need,, to address wounds from childhood …most abusive relationships stem from a poor childhood,,,,we must be open to addressing this with a Counsellor is necessary , with our parents if necessary,,,,things can be fixed in many cases and sometimes not, but rather then coping and suffering using vices etc and destroying us further, addressing the root cause may actually solve the problem to some extent or completely and your life journey and health can change for the better . Childhood doesn’t just mean the parents, it could be bad experiences with extended family too, teachers, peers, friends etc …..we must explore this is needed and work with it to heal and move on …..things like childhood rapes, child abuse etc, i really dont know about that, my mind itself is not equipped to understand the hurt and damage, but everything else , yes ….sometimes my prescriptions only consist of asking the patient to address childhood problems, because we come to an agreement together that if those problems were addressed and solved, would he/she feel better? Do more ? And the answer is always yes ……..
 
– Luke Coutinho

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