‘Love is in the air!’

We’ve all heard this phrase, haven’t we? 

But what does it really mean? 

Is love just about grand gestures, candlelit dinners, and roses? 

Or is it something deeper—something we nurture and grow every day?

Valentine’s Day often brings mixed emotions. Some celebrate love with their partners, while others reflect on past relationships or cherish self-love. No matter where you are on your journey—whether in a new romance, a long-term relationship, or embracing love in other forms—this day is a reminder that love is one of the most remarkable human experiences.

 

Yet, amidst the celebrations and reflections, a question often lingers—why does love feel so magical in the beginning yet seem to change over time? 

Why do relationships start with fireworks and butterflies but sometimes settle into a routine? 

The answer isn’t just about time passing; it’s about science—our brain chemistry, our subconscious programming, and the choices we make every day.

The best part? 

Love doesn’t have to fade. With the right mindset and conscious effort, you can experience the magic of love every single day—just like the very first time.

 

The Chemistry Behind Love: What’s Happening in Your Brain?

Love is one of the most beautiful and complex human experiences, but it’s not just an abstract emotion. It’s deeply rooted in the chemistry of our brain, driven by powerful hormones that shape how we feel and connect with others. While we often think of love as a simple feeling, there’s so much more happening on a neurological level.

Two key chemicals guide our experience of love: dopamine and oxytocin. These hormones play distinct but complementary roles in our relationships, and understanding them can give us insight into why love feels so different at different stages.

 

Dopamine: The Rush of New Beginnings

When you first experience love, it feels electric—everything is exciting, fresh, and full of possibility. This is where dopamine comes into play. Often called the ‘reward hormone,’ dopamine is responsible for that thrilling sense of excitement, attraction, and anticipation. It’s the same chemical that floods your brain when you’re working toward a goal, experiencing a new adventure, or getting that ‘reward’ for something you’ve done.

Dopamine is all about novelty and rewards—just like leveling up in a video game. Think about the excitement you feel when you complete a mission and unlock a new stage. The challenge, the thrill, and the sense of achievement keep you hooked. But once you’ve mastered that level, the excitement fades, until you take on a new challenge. Similarly in love, it’s that initial surge you feel when you meet someone new, or when you fall in love with a friend or even the pure joy of connecting with your baby.

This is why those early stages of love, whether it’s a new romance, a blossoming friendship, or a new family bond, can feel so intense. The world feels brighter, your mind is sharper, and every moment is a discovery. It’s as if the whole world is opening up in front of you. This is also the reason why we often say things like ‘love feels like magic’ in the beginning.

However, over time, dopamine levels naturally stabilize. It doesn’t mean the love has faded, it just means the novelty has worn off, and the intensity of the ‘newness’ isn’t as overwhelming anymore. But that doesn’t take away from the strength of the love—it’s just shifting into something deeper.

 

Oxytocin: The Quiet Strength Behind Long-lasting Love

Now, let’s talk about oxytocin, the ‘love hormone.’ If dopamine is the spark that starts the fire, oxytocin is what keeps the fire burning steadily. It’s the hormone that builds emotional intimacy, trust, and connection. Unlike dopamine, which thrives on novelty and new experiences, oxytocin is sustained through consistency, presence, and emotional bonding.

When we hug someone we love, when we share meaningful conversations, or when we simply spend time with people we care about, our brains release oxytocin. It’s what creates that deep sense of comfort and connection. 

In parent-child relationships, oxytocin is crucial. The bond a mother feels toward her child or the comforting presence of a father, is all driven by oxytocin. It’s the hormone that turns love from an exciting rush into a lasting, secure bond.

What’s beautiful about oxytocin is that it’s built through presence and shared experiences. It grows when we show up for each other, when we show care through actions, or when we simply listen. In friendships, romantic relationships, or family bonds—oxytocin strengthens love in a subtle but powerful way.

So, while dopamine might give us those initial ‘fireworks’ of attraction, oxytocin is what holds love together and helps it evolve into something that feels both safe and fulfilling over time.

These two hormones are like the perfect partnership—dopamine fuels the excitement and initial connection, while oxytocin builds the deeper, long-lasting bond that sustains love. Whether it’s the thrill of new beginnings or the warm sense of trust and comfort that grows over time, both are vital parts of the love journey. 

 

When Love Hurts: Why Letting Go Feels So Painful

Love, in its truest sense, is a bond that doesn’t just connect us emotionally, it rewires our brain. This deep connection leaves an imprint on our neural pathways. Think of it like a groove that forms when you listen to the same song on repeat. Over time, you begin to expect that rhythm, that melody, that presence. So, when love is lost, whether through a breakup, betrayal, or the passing of a loved one, it’s like losing a familiar song that you’ve come to rely on. The brain craves the connection, the intimacy, the presence, and it’s as if it’s searching for something it can’t find.

When relationships end, the sudden absence of affection, attention, and emotional warmth leaves a void. The brain longs for oxytocin, the bonding hormone, and dopamine, the feel-good hormone that was once constantly flowing. These chemicals have played a significant role in our connection with our partner, and when they’re no longer present, it can feel like a physical ache, an emptiness that can’t be filled right away.

 

This craving for the familiar, the comforting, the connection we once had can manifest in many ways. 

We may find ourselves turning to quick fixes for that dopamine hit—alcohol, shopping, or scrolling through social media in an attempt to fill the gap. But while these temporary distractions may offer a fleeting sense of relief, they don’t heal the emotional wound. They can, in fact, prolong the pain, because they never address the core need for genuine human connection.

 

The Path to Healing: Creating New Sources of Love

So, how do we heal from the loss, betrayal, or heartbreak? 

The answer lies in creating new sources of love and connection. Healing isn’t about forcing yourself to ‘move on’ or pretend like nothing happened. It’s about allowing yourself to feel the sadness and grief while actively seeking ways to fill the void with meaningful connections—relationships, yes, but also hobbies, passions, and personal growth.

When we’re grieving, it’s easy to forget that love can take on many forms. It’s not limited to romantic relationships. The love we have for ourselves, our family, friends, or even a hobby or project, can become new sources of fulfillment. Healing begins when we stop expecting the void to be instantly filled and start allowing new experiences and connections to nurture us in their own way.

Self-love is very important in these moments. Taking time to invest in yourself, rediscovering passions, or exploring new interests, helps re-establish a sense of worth and purpose. It’s a gentle reminder that the love you once gave to someone else can be redirected toward nurturing your well-being. In doing so, you not only heal, but you also begin to realize that your capacity for love is endless—it’s just about rediscovering where to channel it.

 

The Honeymoon Vibe: More Than Just a First Spark

You know that feeling when everything about your relationship seems fresh, exciting, and effortless? Dr. Bruce Lipton, my mentor, a pioneer in epigenetics, a stem cell biologist, and bestselling author of The Biology of Belief & The Honeymoon Effect states honeymoon effect is a phase where love feels almost too good to be true. It’s like waking up from autopilot, fully present and attuned to your partner, where every moment together feels meaningful.

In the beginning, you’re consciously making each other a priority—small gestures, deep conversations, and showing appreciation in ways that come naturally. It’s a time of connection where you feel valued, seen, and cherished. It’s beautiful, almost magical, and there’s a sense of joy in every shared moment. But over time, the intensity of that honeymoon phase may begin to shift.

The Power of Awareness: Rekindling the Spark

The key to keeping the honeymoon effect alive is awareness. By being mindful of our subconscious patterns and behaviors, we can continue to nurture love in small, meaningful ways. It doesn’t have to be grand gestures every day—what matters is consistently showing up for each other, staying present, and making intentional choices that deepen your connection.

It’s not about recreating the honeymoon phase exactly but maintaining the same emotional depth and presence that made those early days so special. With conscious effort, love doesn’t have to fade—it just needs to be nurtured in new ways. When you feel that shift, pause and reflect on the patterns at play. Choose to bring your best self into the relationship again, and love will evolve while staying as deep as ever.

 

Watch my conversation with Dr Lipton here.

 

The Secret Drivers of Love: How Your Subconscious Takes the Wheel

Now, let’s talk about the bigger picture: love isn’t just about moments or feelings—it’s influenced by the subconscious patterns that guide our behaviors. Research by Dr Lipton published in Integrative Medicine: A Clinician’s Journal (IMCJ), he found around 95% of our actions are driven by subconscious programming, much of which we pick up before we even have a clear understanding of love.

 

 

By the time we’re seven years old, we’ve already formed countless beliefs about love, relationships, and self-worth. These early lessons shape the way we approach intimacy as adults. For instance, if love was conditional or unstable during childhood, we may subconsciously believe that love is fleeting, or that we’re not deserving of it. These beliefs impact how we show up in relationships—whether we pull away when things get too close, struggle to express needs, or self-sabotage out of fear of rejection.

 

The Relationship Cycle: Why It’s Not You, It’s Your Programming

When struggles arise in relationships, it’s often not because something’s broken; it’s because of these subconscious scripts at play. These patterns can manifest in subtle ways—whether it’s pulling away when things feel too good, or feeling anxious when things start to settle.

But the good news is, these patterns aren’t permanent. They’re just programming—and with awareness, they can be rewired. 

 

The Good News: You’re Not Stuck

The most empowering part of this process is knowing that you’re not bound by your past programming. If you find yourself facing challenges in love, it’s often an invitation to dig deeper and examine those subconscious beliefs. 

What are the thoughts and fears driving your behavior? 

By shining a light on them, you can rewrite those old scripts and create healthier patterns.

Love doesn’t have to be weighed down by old baggage. With a little curiosity and willingness to grow, we can experience love in its fullest, most authentic form. The road to deeper, more fulfilling connections begins with understanding the subconscious patterns that guide us—and with the courage to rewrite them.

 

Rewiring Your Mind for Love: Small Shifts, Big Impact

The beautiful thing about love is that it’s not just about grand gestures or serendipitous moments; it’s also about the quiet, consistent work we do to nurture it within ourselves. 

And the best part? 

You can rewire your mind to foster deeper, lasting love—both with yourself and with others. 

Let’s know how to make that happen:

1. Affirmations Before Sleep: Programming Love While You Dream

Believe it or not, your brain is highly impressionable right before sleep. It enters a relaxed Theta state, which is the perfect time to introduce new beliefs and thought patterns. It’s like a sponge soaking up everything around it. So, why not use this opportunity to change the way you think about love?

By listening to affirmations like, “I am worthy of love” or “Love flows easily into my life,” you’re not just passing time as you drift off to sleep. You’re literally reprogramming your subconscious to believe in your deservingness and openness to love. It’s not a magic fix overnight, but with consistency, this simple practice can have a profound impact on how you approach love in your waking life.

2. Practice Makes Perfect: Build Love Into Your Daily Routine

Love is a habit. It’s something you create through actions, over and over again. Much like you’d go to the gym to build strength, you need to practice love to strengthen your connection. If you’re craving more romance, don’t wait for it to magically appear—create it. Small daily gestures, like leaving a sweet note or planning little surprises, are ways to keep the spark alive.

And for a deeper, more lasting connection?

Shift your focus to quality time. 

This could mean putting away the phones during dinner or carving out time for meaningful conversations, free of distractions. When you actively prioritize love every day, it becomes second nature. Over time, these intentional acts reinforce the bond you share and lay the groundwork for lasting love.

3. Stop & Redirect: Rewriting Your Inner Dialogue

We all have that inner critic—the voice that whispers, “I’m not enough,” or “Love never lasts.” These thoughts can be incredibly damaging if left unchecked, reinforcing subconscious patterns of unworthiness and fear. The key here is simple: pause and redirect. The moment you catch yourself thinking something limiting or negative, stop. Take a breath, and consciously choose to replace those thoughts with something more empowering.

For instance, if you hear “I’m not worthy of love,” gently remind yourself, “I am deserving of love and respect.” Over time, your brain will begin to rewire itself toward more positive, loving beliefs. It’s a process, but with practice, this redirection will become automatic—and the shift in your mindset will help foster a deeper, more abundant experience of love in your life.

How to Keep Love Feeling Fresh: Simple Shifts, Big Impact

Love doesn’t just happen once—it’s something we keep building, day by day. Sure, the honeymoon phase is beautiful, but the real magic happens when we find ways to sustain that connection long after the initial spark. Here are a few simple yet powerful strategies to keep your relationship feeling exciting and new, even as time passes.

1. New Experiences = New Excitement: Prioritize Novelty

One of the most effective ways to keep your relationship fresh is to invite novelty into it. It’s easy to slip into a comfortable routine, but this can sometimes lead to feeling stagnant or disconnected. Trying new things together can bring back that sense of excitement you once had. Whether it’s traveling to a new place, picking up a hobby together, or taking on a challenge, these new experiences help you create shared memories and reignite the thrill of discovering life as a team.

Think of it as hitting the ‘refresh’ button for your connection. You may not always need to undertake grand adventures (though those are fun too!)—even small changes like trying a new recipe or exploring a new activity can bring that spark back. The novelty stimulates dopamine, which boosts feelings of joy and keeps you both curious about one another, just like in the early stages of love.

2. Conscious Presence: Be There, Fully There

It’s easy to get caught up in the busy flow of life, but when we’re not truly present with our partners, it’s easy to feel distant. When you’re with your loved one, be with them completely—put away your phone, stop thinking about work, and really listen. This conscious presence doesn’t just strengthen your bond, it also nurtures the relationship in ways words alone can’t.

3. Gratitude: A Little ‘Thank You’ Goes a Long Way

Expressing gratitude keeps love thriving. Whether it’s through a heartfelt ‘thank you‘ for something they’ve done, or a little love note left for no special reason at all, expressing appreciation strengthens the emotional bond you share. It might seem simple, but regular expressions of gratitude remind your partner that they are valued and cherished.

Taking the time to acknowledge the little things they do—whether it’s making coffee in the morning or simply showing up with a listening ear—creates an environment of mutual respect and care.

Over 6,000 people joined our recent 21-Day Gratitude and Reflections Challenge, a journey of self-awareness, appreciation, and emotional healing. Through simple and powerful daily gratitude practices, individuals discovered a newfound respect for their bodies, deeper emotional clarity, and a shift toward a more positive, fulfilled life. When we focus on what we have, rather than what’s missing, we rewire our minds for true abundance, and this challenge was a beautiful testament to that.

4. The Power of Touch: Simple Affection

Never underestimate the power of physical affection. Touch is one of the simplest and most effective ways to stay connected. Whether it’s holding hands during a walk, giving a hug after a long day, or even just a gentle touch on the shoulder, physical affection boosts oxytocin, the hormone that deepens trust and strengthens emotional bonds.

5. Small Efforts Add Up: Tiny Gestures, Big Impact

Love is built in the little moments—the daily efforts we make to show we care. A surprise cup of coffee, a thoughtful compliment, or a simple ‘How was your day?‘ might seem insignificant in the grand scheme, but they go a long way in reinforcing your connection. These small, consistent acts of kindness keep love vibrant by showing your partner that you are still invested in the relationship and that you appreciate them just as much as you did at the beginning.

Love: The Heart’s Magnetic Pull and the Brain’s Electric Flow

The heart pulls us toward connection, while the brain helps us make sense of those feelings and navigate our emotional world. But here’s the thing—while our brains may be wired to respond to love, it’s the heart that drives the deeper, more lasting connection. It’s the heart that keeps us showing up for each other, even when life gets complicated or love doesn’t feel like it used to.

Remember, love is more than a feeling; it is a choice. 

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Disclaimer: This blog is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended to replace professional advice, therapy, or medical guidance. Every individual and relationship is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. If you are experiencing deep emotional distress, relationship challenges, or mental health concerns, we encourage you to seek support from a qualified professional. Love, healing, and growth are deeply personal journeys, take what resonates with you and apply it in a way that aligns with your own experiences and well-being. 

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