When was the last time you felt completely at ease? Not just because the doors were locked, or the world seemed quiet, but because your heart, mind, and body all whispered, “You’re safe.” If it feels hard to remember, you’re not alone.

Yet, emotional safety is something many of us don’t think about until it’s missing. It’s the kind of safety that allows you to speak freely, rest deeply, and embrace life without fear of judgment or rejection. And when it’s absent, the toll it takes on your health and happiness can be immense.

Feeling safe goes beyond the physical—it’s that deep, unshakable knowing that you’re accepted, loved, and secure just as you are. But here’s the truth: so many of us are walking through life feeling the opposite. Maybe it’s the pressure to be perfect, the fear of rejection, or the scars left by toxic relationships.

This sense of safety often begins in childhood. When caregivers respond to a child with warmth, consistency, and understanding, the child learns that the world is a safe place. They grow up with a secure foundation, ready to trust, connect, and take on life’s challenges. But when those foundations are shaky—when caregivers are critical, distant, or unpredictable—it sends a different message: The world isn’t safe, and neither are the people in it.

What’s heartbreaking is how these early experiences ripple into adulthood. Add to that the constant pressures of societal discrimination or systemic inequality, and safety feels less like a given and more like a luxury.

What’s rarely spoken about is how this sense of unsafety can take root in our bodies. It’s in the sleepless nights, the unexplained back pain, or the constant fatigue. Our nervous system holds onto these emotions, sending quiet alarms that we sometimes ignore. But what if we could gently turn off those alarms?

Let’s talk, honestly and openly, about emotional safety—what it really means, how its absence affects us, and how we can start creating that feeling within ourselves.

The Many Faces of Feeling Unsafe

What does it mean to feel unsafe? It’s not just about physical danger; it’s about the small, daily experiences that tell your brain and body, “You’re not okay here.” Let’s break it down.

  1. Toxic Relationships
    Being in a relationship—romantic, familial, or platonic—where you feel gaslighted or manipulated leaves invisible scars. It’s like walking on eggshells, wondering what version of the person you’ll meet today. Even emotional neglect, when someone you love withdraws affection or attention, can leave you feeling like you’re not enough.
  2. Workplace Hostility
    Ever had a boss who nitpicked your every move? Or colleagues who subtly excluded you? Workplaces are meant to challenge us, but they shouldn’t drain us of our self-worth. Micromanagement, bullying, or lack of appreciation can turn even the most passionate professional into someone who dreads the sound of their alarm clock.
  3. Social Inequality
    Imagine stepping into a room where people make assumptions about you before you’ve even said a word. Whether it’s about your race, gender, or background, these societal biases create a sense of perpetual unease, making it hard to feel truly at ease in your own skin.
  4. Childhood Trauma
    The home is supposed to be a safe haven, but for many, it’s a battlefield. Growing up with neglect, abuse, or constant instability rewires your brain to always expect chaos. Even as an adult, that inner child may still look for danger, long after the threat is gone.
Image by Freepik

The Ripple Effect

When we don’t feel safe, we can’t relax. Vulnerability feels like a gamble, trust becomes a challenge, and hyper-vigilance becomes second nature. Over time, the body mirrors these emotional battles. Chronic stress leads to inflammation, recurring illnesses, digestive issues, and even hormonal imbalances.

But here’s the good news: safety isn’t something we have to wait for others to give us. It’s something we can start creating for ourselves, moment by moment.

How Emotional Unsafety Affects Your Health

Emotional unsafety does more than just unsettle your mind—it disrupts the delicate systems in your body and creates a ripple effect that impacts your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Imagine constantly living in a state of low-level survival, where your body and mind are bracing for a threat that never fully arrives. Let’s break this down to understand how this manifests.

Physical Impacts

Hormonal Imbalances

When you feel unsafe, your body’s fight or flight system, regulated by the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, gets stuck in overdrive.

    • Chronic Cortisol Elevation: This stress hormone, meant to help you manage short-term crises, begins wreaking havoc when elevated for prolonged periods. It can lead to:
      • Suppressed Thyroid Function: Symptoms like weight gain, fatigue, and cold sensitivity.
      • Adrenal Fatigue: Persistent exhaustion, even after rest.
      • Anxiety and Depression: Studies by the National Institute of Health also show how being in a constant state of stress can lead to anxiety and depression. This can cascade into other illnesses like gastric disorders.
      • Menstrual Irregularities: Prolonged stress interferes with hormonal balance, affecting ovulation and fertility.
    • Blood Sugar Dysregulation: Chronic stress can cause insulin resistance, making you more susceptible to diabetes.
Source: Gao, N., Yu, Z., Fan, Y., Jiang, X., & Hu, T. (2024). Impact of negative emotions on upper gastrointestinal diseases: A Mendel randomization study. PLOS ONE, 19(7), e0304121. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0304121

 

Autoimmune Diseases

Emotional unsafety triggers chronic inflammation, which is a precursor to autoimmune conditions. When your immune system is constantly activated, it may begin attacking healthy tissues.

    • Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis: Often linked to chronic stress and gut health issues.
    • Lupus and Psoriasis: Stress-induced flare-ups are common in these conditions.
    • Rheumatoid Arthritis: Emotional distress exacerbates inflammation, worsening joint pain and stiffness.

 

Source: Ljudmila Stojanovich, Dragomir Marisavljevich, Stress as a trigger of autoimmune disease, Autoimmunity Reviews, Volume 7, Issue 3, 2008, Pages 209-213, ISSN 1568-9972, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.autrev.2007.11.007.(https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S156899720700170X)

 

Chronic Fatigue and Pain

    • Fibromyalgia: Persistent feelings of unsafety have been linked to this disorder, characterized by widespread pain and fatigue.
    • Sciatica and Psoas Pain: Emotional tension is often stored in the body, particularly in the hips and lower back, manifesting as chronic pain.

Mental and Emotional Impacts

  1. Sleep Disorders
    • Insomnia: Emotional unsafety keeps the nervous system activated, making it hard to relax enough to fall asleep.
    • Hypersomnia: On the other hand, some people find solace in oversleeping, using it as an escape from emotional distress.
  2. Mood Disorders
    • Anxiety and Depression: The stress response drains serotonin and dopamine, leading to feelings of hopelessness or chronic worry.
    • Emotional Dysregulation: Long-term unsafety makes it harder to regulate emotions, leading to intense or unpredictable reactions.
  3. Personality Changes
    • Prolonged exposure to emotional unsafety can mold traits associated with personality disorders:
      • Avoidant Personality: Fear of vulnerability leads to withdrawal and isolation.
      • Dependent Personality: Seeking constant reassurance to counteract feelings of insecurity.
      • Borderline Traits: Intense fear of abandonment or emotional instability rooted in past unsafety.
Image by Freepik

Coping Mechanisms:

  1. Disordered Eating
    • Emotional eating or bingeing often becomes a way to self-soothe in the absence of safety. Conversely, restrictive eating can create a false sense of control.
  2. Substance Abuse
    • Alcohol and drugs are commonly used to dull emotional pain or escape feelings of vulnerability.
  3. Overworking and Perfectionism
    • For many, burying themselves in work or striving for perfection becomes a way to avoid confronting their emotions.
  4. Compulsive Behaviors
    • Shopping, gambling, or excessive screen time act as distractions but often deepen the cycle of unsafety.

The Neuroscience Behind Emotional Unsafety

  1. Brain Changes
    • Chronic stress can physically alter the brain:
      • The hippocampus, responsible for memory and emotional regulation, shrinks over time, making it harder to process emotions or focus.
      • The amygdala, which governs fear responses, becomes overactive, heightening feelings of danger even in safe situations.

 

Source: Kim, E. J., Pellman, B., & Kim, J. J. (2015). Stress effects on the hippocampus: A critical review. Learning & Memory, 22(9), 411. https://doi.org/10.1101/lm.037291.114
Did you know? 

Studies show that long-term exposure to stress hormones like cortisol can weaken the immune system, leaving you more prone to infections and slower recovery.

 

Breaking the Cycle of Emotional Unsafety

The good news? While emotional unsafety can profoundly affect your health, the body and mind are remarkably resilient. Healing starts with awareness and small, consistent steps. By creating a sense of safety internally, you can shift your body out of fight or flight and back into a state of balance. Let’s explore how you can reclaim that safety and start healing.

This is not just about surviving; it’s about reclaiming your power to thrive.

Signs You May Be Stuck in Fight-or-Flight Mode

Instead of simply listing these signs, let’s make this an interactive questionnaire to help you gauge your state. Ask yourself the following questions and reflect on your answers.

Questionnaire: Is your body stuck in flight or flight mode?

 

Answer the following symptom-based questions with a yes or no:

  • Do you feel persistently tired, even after a full night’s sleep?
  • Do you find it difficult to stop overthinking or quiet your mind?
  • Have you experienced frequent digestive issues like bloating, IBS, or indigestion?
  • Do you notice unexplained aches or tension in your back, neck, or shoulders?
  • Are you overly sensitive to criticism or rejection, often internalizing these as personal failures?
  • Do you feel on edge, as if waiting for something bad to happen?
  • Is it hard for you to truly relax, even in safe and calm environments?

Now, respond to these situational questions with a yes or no.

  • I feel valued and respected in my closest relationships.
  • I can express my emotions freely without fear of judgment.
  • When I face challenges, I feel supported by those around me.
  • I trust my instincts and feel confident in my decisions.
  • I have a safe space (physical or emotional) where I can relax and be myself.
  • I rarely feel the need to suppress my true thoughts or feelings.
  • I feel at peace with my past and not constantly haunted by it.
  • I can handle criticism without spiraling into self-doubt or defensiveness.
  • I am aware of and respect my personal boundaries.
  • I feel physically and emotionally grounded even in stressful situations.

 

If you answered yes to most of these questions, you may be experiencing stressors that are causing your nervous system to feel wound up. This recognition is the first step toward creating emotional safety. 

Now that you know, how can you decompress and establish a sense of safety?

Next Step: Exercises for Establishing Internal Safety

Healing emotional unsafety is not a one-size-fits-all approach. It’s about finding what works for you, step by step, and honoring your personal journey. Here’s how to start reclaiming safety in your mind, body, and relationships:

1. Mind-Body Interventions

When you’re stuck in a state of fight-or-flight, your nervous system needs consistent reassurance that it’s safe. These practices work to calm the sympathetic (stress) response and activate the parasympathetic (rest and repair) state:

  • Deep Breathing Exercises:
    • Box Breathing: Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, exhale for 4 counts, and pause for 4 counts before repeating.
    • Belly Breathing: Place one hand on your stomach, focus on expanding your abdomen as you inhale deeply, and slowly exhale. This method signals your brain to relax and conserve energy.
  • Yoga Poses to Release Tension:
    • Child’s Pose (Balasana): Encourages a sense of safety and soothes the nervous system.
    • Legs-Up-the-Wall Pose (Viparita Karani): Relieves physical tension and helps redirect blood flow to the heart and brain.
    • Reclining Twist (Supta Matsyendrasana): Releases tightness in the spine and encourages a sense of grounding.
  • Mindfulness-Based Meditation:
    • Sit in a quiet space, close your eyes, and focus on the rhythm of your breath. Add affirmations like, “I am safe. I am guided. I am protected.”
    • Visualization: Imagine yourself in a secure and comforting place—a cozy room, a beach, or even a hug from someone you trust.
Image by Freepik

2. Rebuild Safe Relationships

The people we surround ourselves with have a profound impact on our sense of safety. Emotional safety thrives in supportive, respectful, and loving environments:

  • Setting Boundaries:
    • Learn to say no without guilt. This might mean limiting time with individuals who drain your energy or disrespect your needs.
    • Be clear and assertive about what behaviors you will and won’t tolerate.
  • Nurturing Healthy Connections:
    • Identify people in your life who make you feel valued, heard, and supported. Spend more time cultivating these relationships.
    • Seek communities or groups that share your values—whether it’s through hobbies, wellness groups, or even online forums.

3. Journaling and Self-Reflection

Writing can be a powerful tool for self-discovery and emotional processing. Set aside a few minutes each day to explore your thoughts and feelings:

  • Prompts to Explore Emotional Safety:
    • “What situations or people make me feel unsafe? Why?”
    • “What are three things I can do today to feel more grounded and secure?”
    • “What would safety look and feel like for me?”
  • Reflect on Patterns:
    • Look for recurring themes in your answers. Are there specific triggers, environments, or relationships that consistently make you feel vulnerable?
  • Affirmation Writing:
    • Write down positive affirmations like: “I deserve to feel safe.” “I trust myself to create boundaries.” Repeat these daily to reinforce self-belief.
Image by Freepik

4. Professional Support

Sometimes, we need external guidance to navigate deeper emotional wounds or trauma. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness:

  • Therapeutic Modalities:
    • Trauma-Informed Therapy: Techniques like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) or Somatic Experiencing can help process past trauma.
    • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Focuses on reframing negative thought patterns that perpetuate feelings of unsafety.

Disclaimer: Techniques like Trauma-Informed Therapy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) are to be performed under professional guidance. Please consult with your healthcare expert before trying anything new.

5. Lifestyle Adjustments

Your daily habits can either support or hinder your journey toward emotional safety. Prioritize practices that nurture your overall well-being:

  • Prioritize Sleep Hygiene:
    • Create a bedtime ritual: Dim the lights, read a calming book, or sip herbal tea.
    • Avoid screens or stressful conversations before sleep to give your nervous system time to wind down.
  • Nutrient-Dense Diet:
    • Incorporate foods that stabilize your mood, such as omega-3-rich fish, dark leafy greens (high in magnesium), nuts, and seeds.
    • Reduce inflammatory foods like excessive sugar, processed snacks, or caffeine that overstimulate the nervous system.
  • Exercise for Emotional Regulation:
    • Engage in moderate-intensity workouts like walking, swimming, or dancing to release endorphins and improve circulation.
    • Use movement as a tool to ground yourself—focus on how your body feels during the activity.

6. Advanced Techniques for Stress Release

Step 1: Deep Belly Breathing 

  1. Sit in a quiet space and place one hand on your belly and the other on your chest.
  2. Inhale deeply through your nose for 4 counts, letting your belly expand.
  3. Hold the breath gently for 4 counts.
  4. Exhale through your mouth for 6 counts, releasing tension.
  5. Repeat for three minutes, focusing on the soothing rhythm of your breath.

Step 2: Hyper-Vigilance Release: Chest Tapping

  1. Tap gently on your chest with your fingertips while breathing deeply.
  2. Focus on repeating, “I am safe, I am guided. I am protected.” as you tap.
  3. Move to your solar plexus (below your rib cage) and repeat the tapping.
  4. End with tapping on your collarbone to release residual tension.

Step 3: Grounding Affirmations

Walk barefoot on grass or sand to connect with the earth’s energy and calm your mind.

Say these affirmations aloud or silently:

  • “I am safe in this moment.”
  • “I let go of fear and embrace peace.”
  • “I am secure in who I am and what I have.”
  • “With every breath, I feel stronger and calmer.”
Image by Freepik

Step 4: Financial Safety Visualization

  1. Close your eyes and imagine yourself surrounded by abundance and security.
  2. Picture yourself handling bills, emergencies, or challenges with confidence and ease.
  3. Repeat: “I am capable of managing my resources.” “I attract stability into my life.”

Sometimes, listening to uplifting or relaxing music can also help you calm down and feel safe. You can also use a weighted blanket to provide some warmth and comfort to self-soothe.

Final Word: You Have the Power to Reclaim Your Sense of Safety

Safety is a deeply personal journey. It looks different for everyone—whether it’s emotional, physical, financial, or even spiritual. Remember, you are never too late or too unprepared to change your circumstances.

And if you’re worried about seeking help, let this be your permission slip. Needing support doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human. Reach out to a trusted friend, a therapist, or a mentor. Nobody who matters will judge you for wanting to feel safe and whole again.

You have the autonomy to take charge of your safety, whether it’s learning, breathing, connecting, or asking for help. The journey is yours, but remember, you don’t have to walk it alone. You deserve to feel safe, valued, and secure—in every part of your life. Start today. You are worth it.

 


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