I recently had a conversation with Sister BK Shivani, the renowned spiritual mentor representing the Brahma Kumaris World Spiritual Organization. We spoke about something powerful: Love isn’t about changing someone to fit our expectations. It’s about accepting them, growing alongside them, and supporting their journey—even when it looks different from ours.

Today, Valentine’s Day has become all about romantic love—roses, chocolates, grand gestures. But love is so much bigger than that. 

It began as a tribute to St. Valentine, a Roman priest who believed in love so deeply that he risked everything to unite couples in marriage—at a time when it was forbidden. His sacrifice and acts of defiance weren’t just about romance; it was about standing up for connection, commitment, and the right to love freely. Over centuries, February 14th evolved into a day to celebrate love in all its forms.

Love isn’t just between couples; it exists in every relationship we hold close—between parents and children, siblings, friends, and even the love we share with our pets. And the most important relationship of all? The one we have with ourselves.

But here’s something to think about—is love really about what we get, or about what we give?

But love is more than just one day, and it’s certainly more than grand gestures. Inspired by my conversation with Sister BK Shivani, let’s go beyond the clichés and explore what love truly means—the kind that nurtures, heals, and allows people to grow into the best versions of themselves.

 

 

Whether it’s a partner making healthier choices, a child exploring independence, or a friendship evolving in unexpected ways, love should never feel like control or fear. Instead, it should be rooted in trust, respect, and space for each other to grow.

Today, let’s step beyond the commercialized idea of love and understand what it truly means to love deeply, unconditionally, and with acceptance.

Why Love Struggles When One Person Evolves

One of the biggest challenges in any relationship—whether with a partner, a friend, a child, or even a parent—is when one person evolves, and the other stays the same.

A spouse gives up drinking and embraces a healthier lifestyle, while the other continues old habits.

A friend starts exploring spirituality, while the other prefers their familiar ways.

A child begins thinking independently, questioning traditions their parents once set in stone.

Change is inevitable, yet it often leads to distance, conflict, or even resentment. But why?

 

 

Most of the time, it’s not the change itself that creates friction—it’s the fear of losing the person we once knew. We resist their growth because it feels like a threat to our bond. “You’re not the same anymore” becomes a statement of grief rather than observation.

The Bhagavad Gita (12.13-14) describes love in terms of selflessness and acceptance:

“अद्वेष्टा सर्वभूतानां मैत्रः करुण एव च।
निर्ममो निरहंकारः समदुःखसुखः क्षमी।।”

“One who is free from malice towards others, who is friendly and compassionate, free from possessiveness and ego, and who remains calm in joy and sorrow—that person truly loves.”

This wisdom from ancient Indian thought teaches us that love isn’t about control or possession—it thrives in freedom, understanding, and selflessness. When we hold on to rigid expectations of how someone should be, we bind love with ego. But when we let go of that need to control, love deepens and sustains itself naturally.

This is why relationships struggle when one person evolves and the other resists—it’s the fear of letting go, of losing control, of no longer defining love in the same way. But love isn’t about keeping someone in a fixed frame of who they once were. True love allows transformation, honors each person’s journey, and finds ways to stay connected, even when the path looks different.  

Instead of controlling, convincing, or expecting them to stay the same, we can learn to evolve with them—or, at the very least, respect their journey. Love isn’t about sameness; it’s about understanding, acceptance, and allowing each other to become the best versions of ourselves.

So the real question is: Can we love without attachment? Can we celebrate change instead of fearing it? 

Love Should Be About Acceptance, Not Expectation

Most relationships today are built on a silent contract of expectations:

“You should be this way, it’s all or nothing.”
“You should do this for me so I feel loved”
“You should make me feel a certain way.”

But the moment these expectations aren’t met, love starts feeling heavy—like a transaction rather than a connection.

True love, whether for a partner, child, parent, or friend, isn’t about molding them into who we want them to be. It’s about accepting them as they are.

 

 

Shift from expectation to understanding:

• Instead of “You’ve changed,” ask, “How can I support your journey?”
• Instead of “Why won’t they listen to me?” ask, “How can I listen to them better?”

When love is rooted in acceptance, it becomes freeing rather than suffocating. Ancient Indian wisdom echoes this in the Bhakti Sutras, which state:

“स्नेहं निर्विशेषं कुर्वन्ति ये, ते परमात्मा सन्निकटे तिष्ठन्ति।”
“Those who love without conditions dwell closest to the Divine.”

The key takeaway? Love isn’t about someone meeting your needs—it’s about learning to see and honor theirs too.

Love Is in the Giving, Not the Getting

We often measure love by what we receive—attention, gifts, and validation. But real love isn’t about accumulation; it’s about what we give.

Sister BK Shivani beautifully explains:

• If you give anger, you feel anger first.
• If you give love, you feel love first.

A child doesn’t love their parents because of the toys or treats—they love them because they feel safe and seen. 

 

 

Your pet doesn’t love you just because you feed them—they love you because they feel your energy, your warmth.

Love is not a transaction. 

It’s not a tally of who did what for whom. It’s in the simple, silent moments of kindness, patience, and care. In relationships, if you keep a score of the hurt and day-to-day frictions you encounter, you’ll notice how the tensions and discord never seem to heal.

If resentment and pain run deep, speak about it and try to forgive – for yourself and your peace of mind, not others. 

A practice I often recommend to my clients is to bless their loved ones, pray over them, and express gratitude every day. In a short time, many saw their relationships transform into ones of deeper empathy and compassion.

“It is more blessed to give than to receive.”

Acts 20:35, The Holy Bible

When we give love freely—without conditions, without waiting for it to be returned—we experience love within ourselves first. And that is the purest form of love.

How to Love Without Losing Yourself

Many people fear that loving unconditionally means losing themselves—that if they give too much, they will be left with nothing. But true love doesn’t mean merging identities or absorbing someone else’s pain.

Detachment doesn’t mean disconnection—it means loving fully while staying emotionally strong.

Detachment in relationships means:

• You can love someone without controlling them.
• You can support someone without carrying their burdens.
• You can accept someone’s choices without needing them to be like you.

What pets teach us about detachment:

• They love unconditionally, without expectations.
• They forgive easily and move on without grudges.
• They live in the present, not in the past.

 

 

Ancient wisdom reminds us that true love comes with freedom. As Jain philosophy states: One who cultivates an attitude of equality towards all living beings, he indeed is a true yogi.

“समस्तजीवसमत्वं यः पश्यति स योग्यते।”

(Samastajīvasamatvaṁ yaḥ paśyati sa yogyate.)

— Acharya Umasvati, Tattvartha Sutra

The healthiest relationships aren’t built on possession or expectation—they are rooted in unconditional love, acceptance, and inner strength.

Friendship & Family – Who Stays & Who Leaves?

Change is a natural part of life, but one of the hardest things to accept is when relationships shift because of it. Many people feel they have lost friendships or strained family bonds after making healthier lifestyle choices—whether it’s giving up drinking, prioritizing spiritual growth, or choosing a different path from what they once shared with loved ones.

 

 

If someone distances themselves from you because you no longer engage in old habits, they were never truly connected to you—only to the habits you shared. Real friendships and family bonds are built on love, not activities. If your relationships weaken when you evolve, it’s a sign that they were based on conditions, not true connections.

So how do you navigate relationships when you’ve changed?

• Be patient. Not everyone will understand your transformation immediately. Give them time and grace.
• Lead by example. Instead of forcing your beliefs onto others, let them see the positive impact of your choices.
• Respect their journey. Just as you want acceptance, give them the same freedom to be who they are.
• Let go of toxic relationships. If a relationship is built on control, guilt, or negativity, it may no longer serve your well-being.

The highest relationships in life will always align with your highest growth. When you walk your path with love and integrity, the right people will stay, and those who no longer match your energy will naturally drift away. And that’s okay—because love, at its core, is about acceptance, not attachment.

The Ultimate Lesson – Love is a Reflection of You

When you think about yourself, what is the first thing that comes to mind?
Do you see yourself with love, or do you immediately start listing your flaws?

We spend so much of our lives seeking love from others—waiting for validation, affection, and reassurance—yet, how often do we offer ourselves that same love? If you spoke to your loved ones the way you speak to yourself, would your words be kind or critical?

The truth is, that the love we receive from the world is a reflection of the love we cultivate within. You cannot pour from an empty cup. If you want to feel more love in your life, it starts with the way you love yourself.

 

 

Mirror Reflection Exercise:

Take a moment today. Stand in front of a mirror, look into your own eyes, and say five kind things about yourself. You can start with:

1. I love you.
2. I am enough just as I am.
3. I forgive myself for my past mistakes.
4. I am worthy of love and kindness.
5. I choose to treat myself with compassion.

It may feel awkward at first. You may even struggle to say these words. But the more you do it, the more you rewire your mind to recognize your own worth.

“Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule.”

– (धम्मपदं 5 | Dhammapada 5)

So why withhold love from yourself? Love isn’t just something you give to others—it’s something you embody. When you become love, you naturally attract it in every form.

Final Word: Love Freely, Love Deeply

Across every faith, every spiritual path, and every ancient text, the message remains the same—love is the highest virtue, and humanity is our greatest responsibility.

The Bhagavad Gita teaches us seva (selfless service).
The Bible speaks of loving thy neighbor as thyself.
The Guru Granth Sahib reminds us that true devotion is in serving and uplifting others.
The Dhammapada tells us that hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love.

At the core of every belief system lies one universal truth: Love is not just an emotion; it is an action, a way of being.

This Valentine’s Day, let’s expand the meaning of love.
Love is not just for one person—it is for your family, your friends, your pets, the strangers you meet, and most importantly, yourself.

Love isn’t about control or expectations. It’s about presence, acceptance, and the joy of giving.

Give love, not to receive it, but to become it.

 

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Disclaimer: The information provided in this blog is intended for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult with your healthcare provider before making any changes to your nutrition, exercise routine, or lifestyle. The effectiveness of the strategies mentioned may differ from person to person. The content is based on current research, but it is important to remember that science and health recommendations may evolve over time.